Blue Beetle: Shellshocked

Keith Giffen, John Rogers, Cully Hamner, et. al.
Blue Beetle: Shellshocked
DC Comics
Color, 144 pages
ISBN: 1-4012-0965-3

This latest iteration of Blue Beetle is a riff on the old Lee/Ditko Spider-Man, complete with reluctant high-school protagonist. Since Ditko was involved with the creation of Blue Beetle as well, this borrowing seems appropriate. Moreover, the writing team tweaks the tropes enough to keep things interesting. Jaime (our hero) is a more level-headed, and less despised figure than Peter Parker was. His relationship with his family is more stable, too, and we’re treated to a delightfully natural “coming-out” scene in which Blue Beetle somewhat shame-facedly reveals his secret identity to his parents. At first his Mom is upset; then she takes him to the hospital for X-rays.

The series is full of such nice touches. As you’d expect from a Keith Giffen project, the story-telling is well-paced and the dialogue sparkles. The border barrio setting isn’t entirely convincing, but it’s a nice change from the usual Anglo, big city super-hero world nonetheless. And I also appreciate the creative teams’ refusal to indulge in either good-evil Manicheanism or the ruthless “realism” typical among major titles. Instead, most everyone in Blue Beetle has complex and understandable motivations. The main villain, La Dama, for example, is both a crime lord and Jaime’s friend’s aunt. She’s involved in various shady plots (such as baby-kidnapping), but she loves her niece, and she’d just as soon negotiate with Jaime as attack him.

In fact, nobody in the series seems especially interested in fighting — and as a result the super-battles are peculiarly unmotivated. Almost every clash is the result of misunderstandings, perhaps most preposterously in a cameo by a group of Ents (yes, from Tolkein) who unaccountably believe that Blue Beetle has “wronged the green.” Unfortunately, these half-hearted set-pieces suck up a lot of space. Jaime’s parents are absent from most of the last part of the book, for example, even though they are much more compelling (to me and I believe to the creators) than the obligatory super-heroics.

The real weak point, though, is the art, which is standard-issue mainstream fare — that is, dreadful. Hamner’s drawing is mediocre, his design of the Blue Beetle armor is butt ugly, and his layouts are boring when they’re not an utter mess. To make matters worse, the computer coloring somehow manages to be both garish and muddy. Overall, the visuals have to be endured rather than enjoyed, which makes this a hard comic to recommend, despite the writing’s pleasures.

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This review originally ran in the Comics Journal.

Music For Middle-Brow Snobs: Autocrank

Mostly shoegaze:

1. Lee Ann Womack — A Little Past Little Rock (Some Things I Know)
2. Teenage Filmstars — Vibrations (Star)
3. Nadja — Only Shallow (When I See The Sun Always Shines on TV)
4. Chapterhouse — Autosleeper (Whirlpool)
5. Catherine Wheel — Crank (Chrome)
6. Lush — Covert (Spooky)
7. Cocteau Twins —In the Gold Dust Rush (Head Over Heels)
8. Jesus and Mary Chain — Walk and Crawl (The Power of Negative Thinking)
9. Cranes — Rainbow (Forever)
10. Black Tambourine — Black Car (Complete Recordings)
11. Lovers — Tonight (I Am The West)
12. Chris Smither — Someone Like Me (Time Stands Still)
13. Bill Monroe and His Blue Grass Boys — Scotland (Bill Monroe JSP 1950s boxset)
14. Lau Nau — Kivi Murenee Jolla Kavelee (Kuutarha)

Download Autocrank.

And if you missed it, here’s last week’s playlist and download.

Review: Laurie Sandell’s The Impostor’s Daughter

“It’s even more mesmerizing simply because Sandell is a natural storyteller…Every page seems to scream, “See how easy it is to tell the truth? You just do it!” If only it were that simple…I fell in love with this book and its raw honesty. It’s gut-wrenching and compelling.” John Hogan, Graphic Novel Reporter

“We’ve had a really good summer for graphic novels, haven’t we? There’s universally well received work like THE HUNTER by Darwyn Cooke, and stuff that doesn’t seem to be on anyone’s radar, like THE IMPOSTOR’S DAUGHTER from Laurie Sandell (I thought it was a terrific little book!)…” Brian Hibbs, The Savage Critic(s)

“The Impostor’s Daughter is funny, frank, and absolutely engaging…” Susan Orlean, author of The Orchid Thief

“Sophisticated and spellbinding…The Impostor’s Daughter, is rife with dramatic family dynamics, secrets, and subterfuges….By uncovering the buried truths of [her father’s] past life, she claims her own coming-of-age story.” Elle

“In this delightfully composed graphic novel, journalist Sandell (Glamour) illustrates a touchingly youthful story about a daughter’s gushing love for her father. Using a winning mixture of straightforward comic-book illustrations with a first-person diarylike commentary,” Publisher’s Weekly Review

“I was very disappointed by The Impostor’s Daughter, because there’s a tremendous story in here, one that occasionally peeks through before being overwhelmed by a story about a spoiled girl who just needs to grow up. That she does eventually grow up doesn’t excuse the many events in her life that drive us nuts because of her immaturity. I’m not sorry that I bought it, because a lot of it is fairly interesting, but Sandell never gets below the surface of any of her characters, including, to a degree, herself, and that means the book is ultimately unfulfilling. When your journey to maturation is spurred on by Ashley Judd, as it is in the comic, I find it a bit shallow. That could just be me, though.”
Greg Burgas, Comic Book Resources

“Frankly I think it is just you. Loved it. Think it is an amazing, honest, well written memoir. Looking forward to her next book.” – “Mandy” in reply to Burgas’ review

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The synopsis provided on the inside flaps of Laurie Sandell’s comic provide as good a summary as any with regards the contents of The Impostor’s Daughter:

The Impostor’s Daughter begins with a relatively sedate depiction of Sandell’s childhood: a mixture of parental awe and familial tensions.

The publisher’s synopsis, however, prevents any easy acceptance of this largely idyllic childhood. A fifth of the way into the book, we see the cracks appearing in the form of some credit card fraud and broken confidences on the part of Sandell’s father. He remains largely unrepentant to the end despite his acquiescence to the truth with regards his path of destruction through his gullible friends and relatives.

The rest of Sandell’s book is a kind of psychotherapeutic journey of soul baring and self-analysis. We see her searching for her identity through a host of jobs and self-destructive relationships in various countries. The gradual realization of her father’s deceptions and lies fuels her own depression and Ambien (Zolpidem) addiction. Sandell finally finds a path to inner peace via some psychiatric advice from Ashley Judd and her self-admission to Shades of Hope Treatment Center in the closing pages of the book.

Greg Burgas’ negative review of Sandell’s book is instructive because it highlights a particular emotional critical approach. He is annoyed by Sandell’s seeming immaturity well past the age of 30, her clichéd depiction of one of her long term relationships and the needlessly ruinous course of her early life (pills, alcohol and idol worship). In short, he finds the narrative uninspiring and the character depicted therein unsympathetic. The latter aspect, of course, has little bearing on the quality of the final work for there have been many fine works of art depicting the most fatuous and despicable characters ever imagined.

Burgas is not incorrect in pointing out Sandell’s fondness for celebrities and what comes across as self-satisfied preening in front of her readers earlier in the book (as she chalks up interviews with various stars). The nature of Sandell’s day job, of course, virtually necessitates such a relationship.

One of Sandell’s supporters (“Angie”) attempts to put this into context in the comments section of Burgas’ review:

“Sure, I agree that celebrity worship is shallow, but it’s here that you so obviously missed the point. Sandell herself draws the parallel between her larger than life father and her predilection toward celebrities. It makes perfect sense that someone whose entire childhood is based on appearance rather than substance would struggle mightily with the concept of self-worth. Sandell’s childhood was filled with one message: you’re nothing without something. Now, with that type of upbringing, how in the world would you expect for her to know the right thing to do as an adult?…Why am I so vehemently defending this book against your review? Because I was raised by a narcissist and I know the agony of trying to separate out people who are good for you and people who are not. I have spent nearly my entire adult life having to learn the very basic rules you clearly learned as a child. Not all of us are so lucky. It takes one mistake after another to gain insight. Sandell seems to make these mistakes, but you seem a bit lost to the insight.”

Sandell’s apologist would appear to be suggesting that the author’s celebrity worship is simply the product of an imbalanced mind but she goes a bit too far in claiming some form of epiphany on the part of the author. If anything there is at most a negotiated balance by the end of the book. There is every reason to believe that there are a number of people who find such a devotion to and respect for celebrity perfectly healthy and fruitful. If anything, Sandell’s book is one written in sympathy with this point of view as well as other similarly traumatized individuals.

There is certainly a degree of vanity on display throughout the length of Sandell’s book – in particular, the chosen ending and the author’s self-serving justification for her comic’s existence:

These traits are, however, far from exclusive to Sandell’s memoir and hardly a prescription for bad art.

While Sandell’s book presents itself as therapy, there is no suggestion on the part of the author that she has achieved a complete “cure”. Whether by intent or accident, the author has laid herself bare for all the sticks and stones such public self-analysis and exhibitionism entails. Far worse deeds have been done in the pages of autobiographical comics – the comics of Joe Matt being a case in point:

Joe Matt’s Peepshow provides an interesting comparison if only because no reader would imagine the author to be anything but an unpleasant character to befriend. Both Matt and Sandell derive a considerable amount of mileage from a degree of sensationalism – if anything, Matt is much bolder in his drive for “untouchability”. While some of Matt’s earliest multi-paneled autobiographical works delve into some degree of comics formalism, his later works are presented as straight narratives just as Sandell’s is. The real difference between the early works of Matt and Sandell’s comic lies in Matt’s firm grasp of cartooning, panel composition, comic timing and narrative pacing.

Sandell’s story by contrast is flatly narrated in a monotonous voice. Her narrative is both drawn out and tedious in its reiterations of the same subject matter. There is a distinct lack of creative structure and The Impostor’s Daughter reads like a book which was thrown together with little planning and forethought. If Sandell’s work has drawn more notice from the mainstream press, it is simply because of the stories’ greater accessibility and more “worthy” subject matter (as well as her publisher’s marketing abilities).

As for Sandell’s cartooning abilities, the less said the better. Her lettering skills are non-existent…

…and the range of emotions at her disposal limited. Her inability to convincingly depict anger or forcefulness is a crippling blow to the effectiveness of her narrative [dialogue removed for comparison].

Is Sandell’s mother having a blow out in the middle of a restaurant or excitedly telling her daughter about the latest collection from Manolo Blahnik? These are drawings that would make a grade school teacher cry in shame.

The next few images are from one of the most effective sequences in the book – a confrontation between the author and her father following her extensive investigations into his past. Consider Sandell’s rather basic grasp of cartooning which I’ll highlight once again by removing the dialogue:

Little of the effect of this scene is derived from Sandell’s drawings. The draftsmanship here is shoddy and Sandell’s grasp of body language limited. Her mother’s hasty disappearance is hardly more than a footnote done in barely discernible (and clumsy) shorthand. The drawings are in short merely functional – providing some immediacy to the encounter with the facial expressions giving some inkling as to the tone of the dialogue. The panel compositions, page layouts, lettering and coloring (done by Paige Pooler) give off little sense of darkness or danger. This scene, while critical in the development of the protagonist, is delivered as blandly as any other in the book.

One of the reasons why Sandell decided to create a comic about her childhood trauma is given in a publicity blurb in The Wall Street Journal:

“The idea hit her when she discovered a box of her childhood drawings in her parents’ attic. There were some 300 cartoons, mostly about her father, that she’d drawn between the ages of 7 and 10. “I saw that the entire story was there,” said Ms. Sandell, 38 years old, a contributing editor at Glamour magazine. “I’ve always been able to tell the truth about my father in cartoons.”

The decision to draw her story instead of simply writing it would appear to have been based primarily on the therapeutic possibilities of this choice. Yet the negative influence of Sandell’s drawing goes well beyond that of an aesthetic irritant. It significantly detracts from whatever message she hopes to communicate, removing the reader from any sense of reality or empathy with her situation. It is a sad comment on the effect of the book that I found more humanity in Sandell’s blog and level-headed response to Greg Burgas’ criticism than anything in her comic. Sandell becomes a “real” person in her blog (her spot illustrations adding charm to her writing), she’s a poorly drawn caricature in her comic.

While a master cartoonist like Lynda Barry may suggest (in books like What It Is) that anyone can create a story or comic, it is all too clear that a great comic is the product of years of honing one’s skill. Barry’s thinly disguised and deeply felt autobiographical comics demonstrate a beautiful sense of design and page composition. She has an exquisite ear for dialogue and a gift for clear emotive writing. Carol Tyler’s “The Hannah Story” is yet another example of such skills directed at a concentrated and elegantly structured tragedy.

Scott McCloud, a comics evangelist by nature, is far kinder about the effect of these drawings:

“Meanwhile, Sandell’s graphic novel is a mainstream book in nearly every sense. The (presumably) true story is told as literally as possible. Sandell is no virtuoso artist, but her layouts are sensible and the drawings get the job done. Cars look like cars, bottles look like bottles, and hands have five fingers. Every line and color choice serve the story, and the story is an engaging one, filled with mystery, sex, addiction, and the parade of celebrities Sandell encountered as a reporter and contributing editor at Glamour. It’s a beach read…I can imagine each of these books rubbing someone the wrong way. In some respects, Sandell’s glamour-sprinkled tell-all is a hard-core comics lover’s worst nightmare; a book deal fueled by celebrity, completely bypassing comics history and craft, ready to leapfrog more serious or well-crafted graphic novels onto The Today Show or even Oprah…I like Sandell’s book though, because it was a fun read. It can gently coax new readers into comics who would have never cracked open an Asterios Polyp much less a Blankets, and because a healthy mainstream has never precluded a healthy alternative.”

McCloud view is valuable because it explains why a distinctly amateurish work was given the full color hardcover treatment where more worthy work has often been allowed to fester neglected in the shadows. In all probability, what appears undemanding and insipid to me may in fact provide an entry point for a person new to comics. I am also disposed to believe that this was an attempt by Little Brown and Company to tap into the audience for graphic memoirs demonstrated by the success of works by Marjane Satrapi and Alison Bechdel.

Of course, one could easily posit the idea that a work like Sandell’s may confirm the prejudices of a reader not enamored of comics thus driving said person away from the medium forever. This problem is made more acute by the host of positive critical notices suggesting that this is a work of the highest order and not the comics equivalent of a “beach” novel as suggested by McCloud. There are certain standards which can be applied across all playing fields and Sandell’s comic clearly comes up short when these are applied.

Gluey Tart: Foreign Love Affair

foreign love

Foreign Love Affair, Ayano Yamane, 2008, 801 Media

I read this book because it fell out of my closet yesterday. Which is not especially surprising in my home and is also apt re. the plot. Synchronicity and all that, right? You go searching for a sweater because geez, it’s damned cold all of a sudden, and an awesome bit of yaoi literally hits you in the head.

The first thing I noticed, after the fact that it was kind of heavy and pointy – it really did hit me in the head – was that it’s really, really pretty. I ignored any concerns about physical injury and took a few moments to coo over the cover. Pretty! The scan doesn’t do it justice, because the background is a beautiful metallic purple that really shows off the delicate (yet huge and looming) pink flowers. Also the pretty boy in the open kimono and fundoshi. I was really quite taken with the pretty boy in the open kimono and fundoshi. I do not actually have a thing for fundoshis, myself – a bit the opposite, actually, as they usually strike me as sort of alarmingly diaper-like – but I’m making an exception in this case.

The second thing I notice was that this book is by Ayamo Yamane. Holy shit! I love Ayamo Yamane. I love her Target in the Finder series. And Crimson Spell. Why the hell was this book stashed away in my closet? Probably because of the fundoshi. Occasionally people enter the lair of the Kinukitty, and occasionally I do put forth some effort to make the stacks of porn less obvious. A lot of yaoi covers are pretty innocuous – they don’t trumpet “Woo hoo! Get it on!” I don’t worry about those titles; if someone actually picks the thing up and starts reading it, that’s his or her decision. I’m not into telling other people what to do. But this book cover doesn’t leave much to the imagination, does it? So, in meeting my code of trying not to offend or squick people out by accident, I must have tossed it into the closet and instantly forgotten about it (as I am wont to do).

Well, thank God the weather changed. This title is fucking awesome. (Heh. Fucking awesome. That’s a little joke.) (OK, very little. But I’m trying. I have a head injury, OK?) Having found a sweater, I sat right down and started reading. And here lies pretty much my only real complaint about this book (the impact mark on my forehead not being its fault). It is very small. Dense, heavy, and pointy, as I mentioned – nice, heavy paper – but small (7-1/4 x 5-1/8 inches – compare that with 8-1/4 x 6 inches for June and 7-3/4 x 5 for Deux). This should probably be embarrassing for me, but I will share it with you anyway: I couldn’t read the type. I had to take off my glasses, squint, and hold the pages kind of close to my face. I am middle-aged, yes, but I can read Deux titles just fine. It’s like that extra inch that Victoria Beckham tells us makes all the difference, but in this case, it’s the extra half inch. I don’t read a lot of 801 Media titles, and I’m not going to if they can’t size up a bit. Unless it’s Ayano Yamane.

Anyway. A Foreign Love Affair starts off with a bang. Ranmaru is a bratty – or perhaps actually obnoxious – newlywed on an Italian cruise. He’s a little bit fierce, a little bit dim – and so, so pretty. Ranmaru, we are informed in a little panel, is third underboss of the Ohmi clan. Three pages in, he’s fighting with his new wife, who hates him (and likewise, apparently) and kicks him out. On page four, he’s having a drink at the bar, hanging out of his kimono fetchingly.

foreign love

On page five, he’s being saved from an altercation by our other hero, Al Valentiano. Al, you will notice, is named Al, while Ranmaru is named Ranmaru. Which is a typical pretty-boy name. Al is also about a head taller and definitely not hanging out of his kimono, in case you needed any further clues as to who will be the uke and who will be the seme.

After really an impressive amount of distractingly hanging out of his kimono in just a few pages, Ranmaru is divested of his robe and exotic undies on page 13 in a fast and furious scene that involves a certain amount of homo-virginal hesitation and lots of sweating and flushed cheeks and abandoned splaying and stuff. It’s all over in 16 pages, and that’s just the introduction. Good grief, the story hasn’t even started yet!

Once the official main story gets underway, we find out more about Ranmaru. He’s really pretty appealing. In addition to being so, so pretty. Which he is. Good grief, it’s egregious, how pretty he his. He’s also old-school yakuza, we’re told (which would seem to involve an untenable contortion in meaning of both “old-school” and “yakuza,” much less both together), and he’s really a ball of contradictions. He’s stereotypically manly in a proud and unromantic way, completely unafraid and confrontational and not reomtely in touch with his emotions. At the same time, he’s, ZOMG (as they say), SO PRETTY. Also kind of delicate, and clueless in a way that keeps leading to Al swooping in and rescuing him. And then debauching him. It’s really well-done debauching, too. I give it four stars.

Embarking on a tour of Italy immediately after the cruise – with his lovely bride and their thuggish entourage – Ranmaru promptly gets left behind at a winery and follows the bus, planning to walk 200 kilometers to Rome. He gets a ride from some dubious-looking Euro-trash, completely oblivious to any danger, but Al, wearing a highly improbably suit, even in the context of a completely ridiculous plot such as this, swoops in the saves him, taking Ranmaru back to his palatial villa. And debauches him. The Euro-thugs later kidnap Ranmaru, in a plot twist even more improbable than Al’s suit, and Al swoops in to save him again (in a helicopter, for which he gets bonus points) – although Ranmaru does get sort of raped. Sort of. You know how it is. Anyway, eventually, Al takes Ranmaru in his arms, whispers reassurances and endearments, and debauches him. By the way, everyone involved – Al, the Euro-thugs, the Euro-bosses – has a Japanese fetish. Ah – that’s the reason for the kimono and fundoshi. If this weren’t by a Japanese artist, I’d be disturbed about the ethnic stereotyping, but she’s obviously in on the joke, so good on her.

Half to a third of the book is taken up by two side stories. I’m always disappointed when the main story is so short, but Yamane made me enjoy the sides despite being a little disgruntled. There’s a little side story about young Ranmaru (in which it is revealed that Al’s assumption back in the introduction that Ranmaru had never been with a man was in fact erroneous). And there’s a much longer story that I was all set not to like because it wasn’t about Al and Ranmaru, and they had been so much fun. But this last side story starts out with the lines, “What lovely weather. I wonder if the lactic acid bacilli are all right…?”

We are not treading in untested waters here. The main character is pondering the bacilli while interviewing a marriage candidate his mother has sent over. He picks up the phone and tells his mother the interview thing isn’t working, and as he talks to her, he feeds a rat with a syringe. Within one page, we understand that Takaoka is a scientist and a workaholic and maybe not really interested in women. OK, perhaps that last bit was a foregone conclusion, but still, nicely done, Yamane. It’s good storytelling. Takaoka’s mother sends him to a meeting with a matchmaker (Serizawa), who sends him to a mixer. One thing leads to another, and Takaoka accidently gets Tabasco sauce in Serizawa’s eyes. Who hasn’t had that happen? The episode makes Takaoka realize he cares about Serizawa, and a bit later, when he runs into a drunk Serizawa one night, he takes him home, and – well, you know. I know you do. It’s all very pretty and romantic, although not quite as pretty and romantic and sort of batshit crazy as the main story.

foreign love

So, there it is. I read huge amounts of yaoi, and most of it makes me smile a little bit, or makes me kind of wish I hadn’t shelled out $10-$15 for that. Or really wish I hadn’t. But A Foreign Love Affair delivers on the promise of yaoi – it’s crazy and sweet and romantic and pretty, pretty, pretty (albeit heavy and pointy and small of type). Embrace the fundoshi!

(If you want to buy this book, don’t go to Amazon. They list only used copies for $40+. The book is still for sale at the 801 Web site, here.)

Concrete: Strange Armor and The Human Dilemma

Paul Chadwick’s Concrete stories — about a giant rock monster with a human brain — have always pulled in two different directions. On the one hand, Chadwick is interested in slice-of-life narratives, emphasizing character development and quiet, realistic plots. On the other hand, he wants to write pulp adventure stories with spies, alien invasions, and gunfights.

At his best —as in the first Concrete stories — Chadwick blends the two genres, producing tales that are more thoughtful than typical super-hero fare and more entertaining than typical literary fiction. The balance is a delicate one, though, and in Strange Armor (Concrete Volume 6) it is, unfortunately, blown to shit. Originally, Strange Armor was meant as a Hollywood movie pitch, and that’s how it reads. The characterizations are all dumbed down — Maureen, for example, comes across as just another spunky Hollywood heroine, rather than as the spacey braniac and ambivalent ice-queen long-time readers know. And, of course, there’s more violence, more conventional romance, and a Bad Guy with a capital BG. Each change in itself isn’t all that important, but the overall effect is to neatly excise the qualities that made the series worthwhile. A few nice details remain — all of which would no doubt have been deleted if this had ever gotten to the screen. I’m sure Chadwick could use the money, but I can’t help feeling that it’s a godsend no studio wanted to pick this up.

Volume 7: The Human Dilemma, is somewhat better — the main characters are all recognizable. at least, and the long-anticipated tryst between Concrete and Maureen is sweet and believable. But the story creaks under the burden of its heavy-handed environmental message and a series of poor story-telling choices. An omniscient narrator spoils the books central mystery half-way through; there’s a convenient miscarriage right out of prime-time television, and a convenient loony assassin right out of the comics mainstream. And then Concrete makes a fool of himself on television over and over again — a trope Chadwick thoroughly explored in the first stories he wrote about the character.

That was quite a while ago, now; Concrete’s been around for twenty years. He’ll probably be around for many more, too — The Human Dilemma unaccountably won an Eisner, and Chadwick says he has further ideas for the character. Still, looking at these latest books, I get the sad feeling that the big guy’s best days are behind him.

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This review first ran a while back in The Comics Journal. I’ve stumbled on a number of older reviews I somehow failed to post here, so they’ll be showing up in dribs and drabs over the next couple of weeks.

World’s Finest Crap

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies

When I learned that DC was releasing another animated movie, this one starring Superman and Batman, I was intrigued. When I learned it featured the triumphant return of Kevin Conroy (Batman), Tim Daly (Superman), and Clancy Brown (Lex Luthor) from the Batman and Superman animated series, I was excited. And when I learned it was based on a comic written by Jeph Loeb … well, I was disappointed, to put it mildly.

There are some people who will claim that Jeph Loeb wasn’t always a bad writer. Do not believe these people! Make no mistake, even Loeb’s “good comics” weren’t actually any good. But despite the fact that every comic he writes is worse than the last one, Loeb remains one of the most successful and sought after writers in the industry. Depressing as that may be, it comes as no surprise then that DC would turn one of his stories into an animated feature. Though it’s strange that DC picked the opening arc of the “Superman/Batman” comic rather than one of Loeb’s more famous works.

But saying Jeph Loeb is a terrible writer is like saying the sky is blue; no aesthetic judgment is actually being made. What about the animated movie itself? The animation style combines the simple line-work of previous DC cartoons with the character designs of Ed McGuinness, the artist of the “Superman/Batman” comic. The unpleasant result is that all the characters look puffy. Not in a puffy fat way, but as if they all have air pockets right on top of their muscles. They remind me of those inflatable muscle suits that people wear on Halloween.

If the animation is a little off-putting, the writing isn’t any better. Superman/Batman: Public Enemies has a very simple story. Lex Luthor is President of the United States, having run successfully as an independent candidate. He’s like a better looking, slightly less crazy version of Ross Perot. Things are actually going well for Luthor until a giant kryptonite meteor is spotted heading directly towards Earth (if I remember correctly, the meteor in the comic was a chunk of Krypton that brought Supergirl to Earth. No reference is made to Supergirl in the movie, which begs the question why the filmmakers decided to include this plot). Rather than swallow his pride and ask Superman for help, Luthor concocts a sure-to-fail scheme to destroy the meteor and frames Superman for murder. Batman gets involved because he’s got nothing better to do, and the dynamic duo are forced to fight off both supervillains looking to collect a bounty and superheroes who blindly follow the President’s orders. Quick synopsis: Awkward man-flirting between Superman and Batman, fight scene, more flirting, fight scene, Luthor goes crazy, fight scene, Luthor makes out with a morbidly obese woman, fight scene, more flirting until Lois Lane shows up and ruins the moment, the end.

While the plot is easy to follow, the movie is needlessly packed with cameos. Villains like Mongul, Grodd, Lady Shiva, and Banshee Babe (that’s probably not her name, but it should be) show up out of nowhere with no introduction and are quickly dispatched. Then comes the parade of heroes, including Power Girl, Captain Atom, Black Lightning, Starfire of the Teen Titans, and the descriptively named Katana. The character selection is so utterly random it feels like they were chosen by drawing names from a hat. And at no point does the movie explain who these characters are, how their powers work, or what their relationship is to Superman or Batman. I actually have a great deal of familiarity with the DC Universe (or at least I thought I did), but I had a hard time figuring out who everyone was and an even harder time caring. Of course, most superhero comics do this sort of thing all the time, but those books are marketed to a fanboy audience that presumably has an extensive knowledge of, and affection for, Z-list characters. One would think an animated feature would at least try to appeal to a slightly broader audience.

Out of all the superhero guest stars, Power Girl is the only one who gets any significant screen time. Now, if I’m going to talk about Power Girl, let’s get the obvious out of the way. Even by superheroine standards, Power Girl is famous for being well-endowed. I’m saying she has a big bust, mammoth mammaries, jumbo jugs. But there’s no reason she has to be solely defined by her humongous hooters. This is 2009. Power Girl could be written as a strong, intelligent, and courageous woman who just happens to have brobdingnagian breasts. Unfortunately, Power Girl doesn’t really do much here except look meek, follow other people’s orders, and validate the moral superiority of our heroes. In other words, she’s “The Girl” of the movie, including the obligatory moment where she’s rescued by the strapping male lead. By the end of the story, the only thing remotely memorable about the character is emphasized by the hole in her costume. Like everything else in the movie, the filmmakers simply didn’t put much thought into her. Power Girl only appears in the movie because she appeared in the comic.

The last point I want to make deals with age-appropriateness. Compared to the animated Wonder Woman movie, Superman/Batman is remarkably tame in its violence. There are quite a few fight scenes, but they consist of typical superhero punching and smashing. The onscreen deaths are bloodless and one of them involves a robot, and we all know that robots don’t count. There’s no sex either, unless you count Superman and Batman occasionally eye-fucking each other. But the filmmakers must have really wanted that edgy PG-13 rating, because they threw in some profanity. Nothing too hardcore, but Lex Luthor calls a woman a “bitch” at least once. Apparently, that’s how you separate the grown-up cartoons from the silly kid stuff.

It’s an odd movie. Far too much fan-service to be accessible to anyone who isn’t religiously devoted to DC Comics, but the decision to make it a stand-alone story removes the continuity elements that were important to fans (like the re-introduction of Supergirl). Who is this movie for? And why this particular story? Surely there are better Superman/Batman adventures to pick from. There are probably better Jeph Loeb stories too.

In case you want a comparison to other DC animated features:
Superman: Doomsday < Superman/Batman < Wonder Woman

Music For Middle-Brow Snobs: Tanz Der Tid Lom

Folk, country, random stuff.

1. David Kauffman — Kiss Another Day Goodbye (Wayfaring Strangers: Lonesome Heroes)
2. Gordon Lightfoot — Beautiful (Don Quixote)
3. Jay Aston — The Voyeur (Unpopular Songs)
4. LSD March — Kimi Wa Tengoku (Constellation of Tragedy)
5. Scarecrow — Pink Floyd (Piper At the Gates of Dawn)
6. The Vampires of Dartmoore — Tanz Der Vampires (Dracula’s Muisc Cabaret)
7. Tats Lau — Face the Antagonist (Anthology of Experimental Chinese Music)
8. Man City Lion — Tid Lom Ta Lai (Drinking Whiskey Until I’m Blurred)
9. Ina Unt Ina — Sexy Bitch (All Sides of Ina)
10. Stars — Wind In Three Quarter (Today)
11. Bill Monroe and His Bluegrass Boys — Get Up John
12. Bill Monroe and His Bluegrass Boys — Get Down on Your Knees and Pray
13. The Five Blind Boys of Mississippi — Must Be God Somewhere
14. Lee Ann Womack — Montgomery to Memphis (Lee Ann Womack)
15. Tommy Cash — Don’t Hold Your Breath (Rise and Shine)
16. Tommy Cash — The Honest Truth (Rise and Shine)
17. Pixies — Dead (Doolittle)
18. Mariah Carey — More Than Just Friends (Memoir of an Imperfect Angel)

Download Tanz Der Tid Lom.

And if you missed it, last week’s playlist and download is here.