Music For Middle Brow Snobs: DOOM

So this is something of an experiment. I’ve had a radio show called “Music For Middle-Brow Snobs” on WHPK (the U of C radio station) for some time. I thought it might be cool/exciting/very mildly entertaining to put my playlists on the blog so folks here could download them. This has, however, proved to be more technically difficult than I was expecting. But I think I have it figured out, maybe. Anyway, the first one I’m trying is a Doomy set:

1. Pentagram — When The Screams Come
2. Candlemass — Black Stone Wielder
3. Vintersorg — Jökeln
4. Thor’s Hammer — The(ir) Modern Freedom
5. Ekklesiast — The City
6. Esoteric — Caucus of Mind
7. Jesu — Heartache
8. Gallhammer — Tomurai: May our Father Die

In theory, if you hit the little DOOM download link here, you should go to Mediafire, and be able to download a zip file which, when opened, will give you all the songs on the playlist. If all is well, it should go into your itunes as a single album (that is, if you organize it by album, it should be in the right order.)

So, if anybody cares to download this (Tucker? Eric? Uland? Anybody?) and tell me if it worked, I’d appreciate it. Or if anybody has tips on how to do this better, let me know….

Partially Congealed Pundit: Statement of Purpose, first try

Last week I printed the Statement of Purpose I sent to MFA programs in 1998. Below is the one I sent in 1997. (I like the 1998 one better, I think…though among MFA program evaluators, both were greeted with equal indifference, as far as I could tell.)

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Statement of Purpose

I plan to write poetry because I want my letters anthologized. “Dear Poetry, How are u? How is e? How are all the little words that rhyme with Christina Rossetti? I would very much like to be affecting, but today one must be ironic, and one must say one before two, though it’s two every one loves. ‘Aren’t those two cute together?’ And they are so much so it makes you cry and makes me want to dry heave and whine, ‘I want to make people cry, poor wretch, without the aid of my onion breath, and yet I’m too sophisticated for sentimental claptrapcrap (note the neologism.) If you can feel sorry for me just a little I’ll gladly grovel. I’m not proud.'”

At least I’m honest, though. Or at least I’d like to be thought honest. “Well, Mr. Thought Honest, you’re a hypocrite. But take solace in being a relatively small land mammal, unlike a hippopotamus.” These are complicated theses, Diogenes, and your kind attention makes me weak in the knees. Please! Explain my brain. We elucidate snide critiques of each other, that squooshy grey matter and I. It makes my head as heavy as lead, and I stagger about beneath it trying to keep body and skull together. Someday my scalp will open like a lid and the earth will open like a lid and I will fall from one into the other and everything will be simpler. “I have an M.A. in British History from the U of C. My influences include Marianne Moore, Stephen Crane, and the New York school poets. I have had poetry published in Sidewalks,Parting Gifts, and Pleiades, and a short story published in Fugue. Every morning before work for the past couple of years I’ve gotten up at 4:30 to write. Often, though, I just fall back asleep.”

Is that all right?

Synthetic Sugar Rush

This review first appeared in the Comics Journal.
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SCUD The Disposable Assassin: The Whole Shebang
Rob Schrab
Image Comics
paperback
black and white/$29.99
978-1-58240-685-5

SCUD is a pulpy cyberpunk romp. The main character, SCUD, is a robot assassin who comes out of a vending machine; put a coin in, tell him who the target is, set his contempt level to determine how much extreme prejudice he employs, and let him rip. Scud’s supposed to self-destruct after completing his assignment, but a loophole allows him to prolong his life and his career of mayhem. Over the course of 24 issues he fights a monster with a plug on its head, a squid on its face, and mouths on its knees; a werewolf who switches arms with him and then turns into a black hole; a bull with chainsaws for horns; and the severed head of Jayne Mansfield. Allies, on the other hand, include British astronauts who all have backgrounds on the Shakespearean stage; a cute child made out of drywall, zippers, and interdimensional portals; and a sexy bounty-hunter with a kink for robot sex named, of all things, Sussudio.

Action, gore, and outlandish character designs abound. Rob Schrab’s visual imagination is both voracious and unstoppable. His pages are a mess of panels spilling into and over one another, sound effects, motion lines, and outlandish details. He work reminds me of a cartoonier Pushead, or of some of Keith Giffen’s loonier moments as an artist. Inevitably, in all the chaos, the narrative becomes at times incomprehensible — but so what? You’re not here to watch the hero foil evil and get the girl. You’re here to watch the three-way fight between an imitation shogun warrior, zombie dinosaurs, and the mob.

Unfortunately, as the series goes along, Schrab and his co-writer Don Harmon start to move away from violent nuttiness for its own sake, and begin to try to Say Something Meaningful. Bad move.

Many creators do, of course, imbue their punky future dystopias with bite — Tank Girl comes to mind, as, to some extent, does Adam Warren’s Dirty Pair. Alas, SCUD’s bad attitude is as prefabricated as its hero. Schrab makes fun of God and angels and casually has Ben Franklin murder a nun. But it’s all in the name of jovial fratboy crassness, not out of actual misanthropy or bile. I wasn’t surprised to see in the author blurb at the back that Schrab had done time as a stand-up comic.

When he tries to give the narrative a point, therefore, Schrab goes, not for satire, but for melodrama. The end of the story devolves into tragic backstories, doomed heroes whining, and a saccharine and unmotivated quest for true love. The series officially jumps the shark when it is suggested that Sussudio has a robot kink not for the goofy reasons originally propounded (something to do with a malprogrammed robot maid), but instead because her parents didn’t pay enough attention to her. The initial joke was rather funny; the attempt to make us take it seriously, however, starts to border on tasteless. Vending machines are great for a callow rush of sugar. But when they try to sell real food — say, an egg-salad sandwich— the results are invariably repulsive.

Update: Fixed embarrassing error. Sigh.

Photobucket Is Holding Me Hostage

If you look around the site you may notice that some of my pictures are not visible. I apparently exceeded my bandwidth. I then paid to upgrade because I care about you, my blog user…but, of course, the pictures still aren’t showing. I contacted photoshop to see what the deal was…so hopefully some day they will fix it. We’ll see….

The Fae Will Take You On

This review first appeared in the Comics Journal.
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Meatcake #17
Dame Darcy
Fantagraphics
24 pp (?)/ $3.95
B&W/softcover
ISBN: 9781560977957

Even when she’s not especially inspired, Dame Darcy creates superior goth comics: cheerfully mean-spirited, idiosyncratically stylish, and oozing with surreal ichor. Thus in this issue’s “Rockstar Romance,” we get to see rockstar Trixxie put paid to her stinking boyfriend Tex — the gross-out high point being a half-page panel in which Tex appears as a bulbous, weeping worm strangling itself with its own belt. “Spider-Silk Tropics” features Darcy regulars Effluvia (a mermaid) and Stega-Pez (a girl who speaks by spewing bloody, inscribed tablets from her throat) as they use their amorous wiles to bamboozle a spider-loving Duke. In both stories, Darcy indulges her goth tropes and her feminism: men are tormented, sisterhood is affirmed, and light-hearted squick is relished by all. And, as always, Darcy’s eccentric drawing is a joy, with perspective, proportion, and visual logic all flattened out to fit into geometrically obscure but oddly elegant patterns.

Again, I do have an effervescent attraction for these narratives. But I pledge my true and more hopeless passion to Darcy’s less tongue-in-cheek efforts. “We Are the Fae and There is No Death” forswears quirky hipster humor and jokey man-bashing alike. Instead, it simply tells a fairy tale; Oriana and her younger sister Hyacinth live in a castle ruled by their harsh father, a king whom we never see. Hyacinth wants to leave the castle and marry the forest ruler…but Oriana doesn’t believe there is any such person, and tries to stop her. As is the case in fairy tales, the plot takes numerous twists and turns, but has an eerie inevitability, pregnant with pain, love, death, and magic. The sisters do escape from the tyrant king, who is both abusive father, and, perhaps, life itself. But where do they end up?

Oriana answers in a remarkable poetic denouement, where she speaks for the first time directly to the reader — as if she has become unmoored from the story. Against a design of stars and flowers, she’s drawn with her hair down and in a transparent shift. “Am I alive or am I dead?” she asks. “It doesn’t matter in this place. Time does not run in a linear line as pronounced by man, but instead runs in an eternal spiral like the rings of a tree. My sister is in eternal holy union with a God.” A full page illustration shows two skeletons embracing; in the lower right of the panel, stylized but lovingly-patterned flowers contrast with the white bones. In the last panel, we see Hyacinth bathing in an idyllic pool, while Oriana sits beside it, head on her knees, butterfly wings sprouting from her back. Her expression is difficult to read; her face may be slightly smiling, or wistful, or perhaps just blank. “Now we are the fae,” the caption says, “and there is no death.”

This isn’t the retro-smirk of Jhonen Vasquez, or even, for that matter, of Edward Gorey. Instead, Darcy’s conclusion is reminiscent of the chillingly beautiful take on immortality at the end of Peter Pan…or of Lovecraft’s “Shadow Over Innsmouth.” “We Are the Fae …”, is in other words, not goth, but true gothic, in which queer doublings suggest a relationship between the human and the uncanny — or in which , indeed, the relationships are the uncanny. In Darcy’s other stories in this book, sisterly love triumphs, and evil men are destroyed. Here, in contrast, all love — between sisters, between parents and children, between men and women — seems to run together like dark water, where the self sinks and dissolves until all that’s left is a smiling, empty mask. All three of these stories end, more or less, with a “happily ever after,” but only in this one does it sound so resolutely inhuman.